Learning How to Be Lighter: Unburdening Myself from a Past of Abuse

A past of abuse can really bear upon how y'all live your life and how you perceive yourself. It can be exhausting to carry the weight of trauma on y'all at all times. This is why it'southward worth making the effort to become rid of it.

Abraham Maslow has a quote that goes something similar this,

"If the only tool you have is a hammer, [..] y'all care for everything as if it were a smash."

This quote perfectly sums upwards my arroyo to life from my belatedly teens to my early twenties. Later on years of corruption both at abode and at schoolhouse, I emerged with thickened skin to the indicate of armour.

Really, scratch that. Take you lot ever seen a baseball bat that'due south encased in barbed wire and nails? Consider that a pretty accurate visual representation of the persona I chose.

I felt so vulnerable and untrusting that I overcompensated with aggression and articulatio genus-jerk defensiveness.

Ultimately though, I realized the repercussions of showing upward to the world with such a rough outside. Sure, I could win arguments and was the ascendant one in almost every group setting, merely beingness this way felt similar an on-going uphill battle.

Outside of beingness outright draining, this persona too attracted the wrong people and put me in the wrong situations. I realised this through lots of introspection and journaling, and when I did, one discussion kept emerging as what I wanted to be instead. That word was 'lighter'.

Taking the weight of the past off my shoulders

Afterward seeing the toll that the weight of the past's pains and angers had, especially on my closest relationships, I chose to exercise something about it. Something that would bring me closer to that elusive feeling of being unburdened.

The first matter I did was distance myself from the people and places that made me feel unsafe. Anyone or anywhere that made me feel like I needed to flex upward on my defensiveness was out. And trust me when I say, this is and then much easier to type right now than information technology was to execute. I establish myself removing family members and friends akin. It was a highly intuitive process that ready the tone for me beingness able to comfortably strip away my rough exterior layers.

There'southward a quote that puts this entire procedure into words beautifully,

You cannot heal in the same environment that made yous ill.

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Learning to exist confident in my force

But, I learned that it wasn't plenty to only go out the people and places that made me feel like I had to exist something I wasn't. I also had to go out the version of me behind that was in those circumstances in the first place.

This part took some time for me to get my head effectually. Especially because my first instinct was to say none of it was my mistake. Which, to be fair, was partially true. My parents driveling me emotionally and physically from a immature historic period, and in school, a groovy just really had it out for me.

Still, instead of thinking of all the things that I couldn't control, I focused on what I could. Why? Because beingness victim to circumstances was a big office of the feeling of helplessness that I so poorly disguised with aggressiveness in the first place.

So, I found my next pace in unburdening myself to be one of character building. I taught myself internal strength and then that I knew history would not repeat itself. This force came by style of keeping small daily promises to myself that were based on principles, integrity and discipline.

The more than competent and steadfast I felt in my identity, the more confident I felt that I would always be able to practice what'south in my best interest and protect myself.

Visualizing letting get

The final part of this process was both the virtually fun and the almost impactful. I couldn't tell yous where I first heard of the technique, whether information technology was in a podcast or a book, but I can tell you that it inverse my life.

During my meditations, when I would get to a place of steady focus, I would shift into visualize myself getting physically lighter. I would imagine weight existence lifted from my body, letting me float effortlessly. I would concentrate on the feeling, letting myself experience the freedom and the joy.

Some other visualization technique I would use was to imagine the people in my life that I had any hurting or sadness attached to. I would then imagine taking scissors and cutting the cord between the two of us, letting them peacefully drift abroad.

Both of these visualization practices accept allowed me to shed the layers of defense that I put up. Nowadays, I find myself laughing more, connecting deeper and enjoying life more than fully.

I am myself. My fragile, sensitive, kind self. I share this because this procedure of beingness lighter has been a worthwhile journey. If you feel like you'll do good, I hope yous accept the journey, too.

Your friend,

Ivy Gill

This post is a function of a series on my life experiences, written to aid others who may chronicle. Find more than of my writing here.

More inspiring stories:

• Why I Make Every Large Life Decision Without Telling Family unit or Friends
• Subsequently Years of Trauma, This Is What Choosing Myself Looks Like Every Solar day
• Growing Upward, I Hated My Dad. Now I See Him Differently
• 4 Subtle Signs You Had Toxic Parents and It's All the same Affecting You

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Source: https://www.goalcast.com/learning-how-to-be-lighter-after-abuse/

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